oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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