we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize