so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
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whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
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I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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