Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize