it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Everclear isn't food dammit
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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