You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
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I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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