I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
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I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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