Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
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She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
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Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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