dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
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At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just found puke in my bra..
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
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And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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