Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
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I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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