This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
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God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made out with another girl for some wings
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize