You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
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I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
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nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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