God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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