im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize