Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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