I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize