The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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