she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
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A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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