The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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