3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize