So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
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WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
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Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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