I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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