I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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