That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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