i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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