I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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