We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
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Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
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I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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