I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
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I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
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You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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