it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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