I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Boobs speak an international language.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize