my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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