Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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