Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key

(631): View more from New York

had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.

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(631): Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key (631): had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now. http://tfl.nu/o06a

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.

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(267): i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE. http://tfl.nu/7rd6

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(704): View more from North Carolina

She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.

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(704): She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone. http://tfl.nu/3kwt

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.

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(413): I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick. http://tfl.nu/84fo

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(607): View more from New York

She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle

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(607): She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle http://tfl.nu/wl70

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable

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(612): Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable http://tfl.nu/0g8x

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.

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(724): I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do. http://tfl.nu/rr6r

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(806): View more from Texas

I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.

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(806): I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you. http://tfl.nu/8w6h

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(651): View more from Minnesota

He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.

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(651): He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old. http://tfl.nu/87vs

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(407): View more from Florida

How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?

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(407): How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong? http://tfl.nu/4ez3

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(605): View more from South Dakota

Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?

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(605): Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win? http://tfl.nu/frm8

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.

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(704): Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox. http://tfl.nu/wyx0

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(970): View more from Colorado

We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.

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(970): We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest. http://tfl.nu/w1i7

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(+47): View more from Norway

You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me

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(+47): You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me http://tfl.nu/d4vv

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(541): View more from Oregon

Happy birthday, you long dick monster

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(541): Happy birthday, you long dick monster http://tfl.nu/0cme

Replies (9) Good night (1175) Bad night (177) Order T-Shirt

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