i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
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I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
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Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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