It's like God shit irony all over that family
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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