At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
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