found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize