3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
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Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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