I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
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We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
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Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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