I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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