Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
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my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
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One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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