You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
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He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
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I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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