i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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