Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
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First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
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I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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