There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
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there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
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I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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