She's JV to your varsity
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
my shit smells like andre
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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