i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
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So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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