he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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