So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
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I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
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Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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