I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
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easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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